Most funny bird shirts are written by people who don't watch birds, and it shows. The pun sits on top of clip art and the joke ends there. The bird shirts that actually get worn are the ones where the joke is true — where a birder looks at it and recognizes something from their own backyard.
That's the standard we design against. Here's the current lineup, grouped by the kind of joke.
Bird-call shirts
These land because the calls are real. The barred owl's call is famously transcribed as "who cooks for you, who cooks for you-all" — so Who Cooks for You? puts the owl in a diner. The eastern towhee sings "drink your teeeea," which became Drink Your Teeeeea (also a mug).
And [ Red-Tailed Hawk Noise ] is for a fact every birder eventually tells someone: that piercing scream movies play when they show a bald eagle is almost always a red-tailed hawk. Real eagles chirp. Hollywood decided that wasn't impressive enough.
If the calls are new to you, we wrote up 15 bird-call mnemonics that make them easy to remember.
Feeder wanted posters
Anyone who feeds birds ends up in a long-term dispute with a squirrel. Feeder Enemy No. 1 makes it official, wanted-poster style; there's a goose edition for park-adjacent grievances. In the same spirit: Master Birder: Repeat Offender and FBI: Fantastic Bird Identifier.
The country lane
Owl Always Love You is the oldest owl pun there is, done up in country-ballad style, and Honky Tonk is a goose in a cowboy hat. These are the two we see people buy for anniversaries.
The cheekier shelf
Dove in the Streets, Pigeon in the Sheets and Goosebumps live in Cheeky Bird Humor, along with the rest of the designs that run a little sharper. Know your recipient.
Picking one
If you're gifting and not sure which of these matches your bird person, the Gift Finder quiz sorts it out in four questions, or start with the Flock Favorites. Shirts are printed to order on soft unisex blanks; US shipping is a flat $8, free over $70.